25 sexual things to know before Christmas

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Funmi Akingbade

Thirteen: Never forget that marital sex boosts self-esteem in both the wife and husband at every stage of their career, business or endeavours. Boosting self-esteem is one of the 237 reasons people have sex, as observed by the University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex, marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she says. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected and what you want, it raises it.”

Fourteen: Amazing marital sex improves intimacy and binds couples together more than any other joint ventures in life. Having sex and orgasm increase levels of oxytocin, the so-called love hormones, which helps us to bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 pre-menopausal women before and after contact with their husbands ending with hugs. They found out that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. According to the researchers, “Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond.” Higher oxytocin has also been linked to a feeling of generosity. So, if you suddenly feel more generous towards your spouse than usual, credit the love hormone and credit the sexual activities.

Fifteen: Good sex is a pain relief natural herb. Sex reduces pain and inflammation. As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase; arthritis pain reduces and PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex – you can thank those higher oxytocin levels. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapour and had their fingers pricked, lowered their pain threshold by more than half. Even sex shortly after delivery helps to heal episiotomy pain faster than medication. What a great gift God gave the married couple!

Sixteen: Amazing healthy sex reduces prostate and breast cancer risk. ‘Frequent ejaculations, especially in the 20-year-old men and above, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life,’ Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men that were diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s and 50s. But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s, reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly. The spasm experienced during ejaculation usually sends a reflect muscular post-spasm stimulation all over the pelvic region of the man, helping to splash the prostate with more than enough nutrient-oxygenated blood.  As for the breast, each time the breast is been caressed, stimulated, fondled, it automatically allows the spread of nutrient-oxygenated blood into the milk lobs thereby helping the breast to remain healthy and reducing the risk of breast cancer.

Seventeen: Never forget that sex strengthens the pelvic floor muscles of both the husband and wife, thereby reducing the risk of bladder leakage, weakness of the pelvic floor, and weakness of the reproductive organs of both man and woman especially the urethra, bladder, virginal wall, penis tissue and the epididymis. So, this is good news for men suffering from erectile dysfunction. When a man practices more of Kegel and pelvic wall exercise and applies the practice during sex, he should be certain of getting a better grip on his erection and ejaculation. For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegel during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimise the risk of incontinence later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.

Eighteen: As a couple, are you experiencing lack of good sleep or insomnia? Well, the good news is good sex helps you sleep better, especially when you drink moringa tea shortly before or after sex. The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

Nineteen: The old woman fable of bedroom tricks still work wonders in revitalising the sex bed.  One trick is never to ignore deep kissing; it has a way of stimulating your most sensitive regions, particularly your privates. While kissing, gently run your fingers up and down inside of each other’s arms; it is a teasing and sensual way of creating a sensation that will leave the two of you craving for the real show. At this point, I would encourage the wife to caress her husband’s organ lightly with her fingertips, until it is fully erect. Then, she should wrap her hand around it, and apply more pressure, as if she is pressing a pear fruit to know if it is ripe. If you are not sure he is erect enough, ask him. It may sound funny, but I can assure you that your man will find it erotic. Men appreciate direct sexual, sensual question while in bed. You could say, “Honey, how does that feel?” A wife should also learn to touch and caress her husband a few inches away from his organ. She should learn to run her fingers through his pubic hair, caress his lower stomach and stroke his inner thighs; this will build eagerness and get him ready for action.

Twenty: Husbands should remember that, in bed, a little bit of aggression makes sex more exciting. So, a husband should be firmer, pinning his wife to the bed, especially when it is the missionary position. And as you are reaching orgasm, try slowing down to an intensity of about 75 per cent of your full speed; stay like that for about one minute, and then pick up the pace again. This will further enhance pleasure and prolong the feeling of enjoyment slightly. This technique will make your orgasm more intense. When a husband is hard and highly erect, the wife could use one hand to push his erect organ up, towards his stomach, and then use her tongue on the underside of his shaft. She could also move her head from side to side to cover more surface area. While doing this, he could return the favour by stroking her G-spot using the ‘come hither’ method.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into this without being explicit, because we will not be able to treat that fully. Next week, we will start a series on ‘G-spot’ in men. Before then, married couples go ahead and have fun.

Twenty-one: You cannot deny that having sex or making love is one of the most enjoyable activities for married couples. But you need to know that it can also lead to untimely death if not properly controlled. Death can occur during sex for a number of reasons, generally because of the physical exertion and strain of the activity, or because of unusual clarifying circumstances and some underlying medical condition. Sudden death during sex accounts for approximately 0.9 per cent of all sudden deaths. Numerous notable cases of individuals dying during or from sex have been recorded and reported. For example, Nelson Rockefeller, one of the modern figures who was also former Vice-President of the United States, died of a heart attack during sex. Last king of the Huns in Europe, Atilla, was also recorded in history of being killed by a heart rendering deadly orgasm.

Questions and answers
What’s the usual age for the first time erection? My six-year-old is always having frequent erection especially in the morning; I am worried and I don’t know what to do.

Mr. Eerie Akpan

As a matter of fact, some boys are born with erections while in the uterus. Ultrasounds normally show that babies can have erections right in the womb; so boys get  erections when they are even under the age of one. But it is typically very obvious when they get to their early teen – that is when the sex hormone testosterone is active. But when a six-year-old has an erection, it may not be a reason for the alarm if it occasionally happens early in the mornings when he baths or cleans or touches the penis area. But when it becomes a frequent occurrence accompanied by pains and a turgid erection that does not subside, it is better to take the boy to the family doctor. Morning erections normally last longer till men get to adulthood. Men usually have three to five erections each night, often while they dream.

I have more than two nipples

I have a big problem. My two breasts are not only abnormally unequal but I have an extra nipple on my left breast and it has hair around it. This has made me not to accept any relationship proposal from any man. I cannot even have my bath when others are in the bathroom. I cannot dress up in the presence of others. I am afraid of surgery. What can I do please?

Simisola Tomomere

When you take nipple size and breast shape into account, more than 88 per cent of women report a difference in sizes. So both breasts may not be the same size. Strange as it may sound, some people have more than two nipples. About one per cent of women have them, and twice as many men. But they’re often smaller than other nipples, so there might not be a reason for you to worry. They show up at birth, usually along the body’s “milk line”, somewhere between shoulders and legs. It’s rare, but they can form on other parts of the body, including the forehead and foot. I think this cannot prevent you entering into a meaningful relationship. I would rather suggest you date someone who really loves you and accepts you the way you are and who is worthy of your trust. Hair around your nipple is not an uncommon thing.  It’s normal to have a few small hairs on the nipples, or the dark skin around the nipple. If it bothers you, clip it with small scissors but do not pluck or shave it because it can cause ingrown hairs and infection.

I can’t get my penis up

I am very fit and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. Now, I am in my early 30’s and I do a regular medical check-up every four months. Shamefully, I have lost count of many women who refused to put up with me because they couldn’t get my penis up. During sex, I would have to hold my penis down and tight with my fingers like a ring just to make it strong enough for erection. Are there other reasons penis can’t get up? Help, I am dying gradually!

Owen Peters

Sometimes when a man has serial sexual partners, there may be a possibility of being intimidated especially when he is overwhelmed with the feeling that he needs to perform a little more than usual. This is a major reason why you may lose erection as a healthy man. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance your penis might not be able to perform. Besides, online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse or overindulgence of it. If you are the type that is addicted to porn and masturbating several times a day, however healthy you may be, you may likely end up not having an erection. Is your mind clouded with issues of life or something is troubling you or are you feeling guilty about something? This aspect of mental instability paralyses a man more than anything else regardless of the high state of well-being.

Will my sexual desires change during pregnancy?

I just got married and my husband says he does not only love sex but he will be making love to me even while I am pregnant till the last stage of my pregnancy. I am okay with this but my fear of his obsession is, supposing my sexual desire changes during pregnancy, does that mean he will be unfaithful? He has actually threatened that if I am not very responsive, he will have to seek for sex anyhow.

Tricia Seiseiko

It is normal for your desires to be different now that you are pregnant. Changing hormones cause some women to experience an increased sex drive during pregnancy. But others may not be as interested in sex as they were before they became pregnant.

Sex is important in a marriage relationship especially in a new union but it is important for your husband to know that sex is not the only thing in a relationship. Sex, as a final act of commitment, is a powerful statement of love that deepens marital commitment and rekindles excitement and it is designed to exist within certain boundaries. A normal husband should be more caring than threatening his wife when she is pregnant with their child. Every act of sex outside of marriage cheapens both sex and marriage. If there is a need for him to stay off sex for sometime during your pregnancy, I think he should happily do that, this is not as if he is to abstain from basic life necessities, such as eating or drinking or breathing. Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never a necessity.


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